I’m writing another book.
Speak Love is finished and turned in and based on how long my editor has had it in her genius paws, I’m guessing there was A LOT TO BE DONE TO THE DOCUMENT. [I’m thankful. Great editors MAKE great books.] It will be out in September and I cannot wait for you to read it!
And now we are on to the next one. Which is really exciting, don’t get me wrong.
I can’t tell you much about it quite yet, but I can tell you what I’m feeling while I’m writing it.
SCARED.
And when I say “I’m writing another book,” I mean I keep opening a word document and watching the cursor blink.
This next book is deeply personal, deeply current, and requires deep amounts of courage and to be honest, I find myself lacking. So I’ve gotten lots of other work items checked off in the last ten days or so, but when it comes to actually getting book words on paper, it’s not happening. I always find something else to do.
Emails to answer.
Meetings to have.
Purses to clean out.
Naps to take.
And then I blink and another work day has come and gone and I’ve accomplished things, but not THE THING.
The thing of writing stories that have long been held in my heart.
The thing of exposing hurts that I would rather forget.
The thing of writing the book I’ve dreamed about for years.
The thing of composing this piece of art that feels so near to my heart that I worry about every dotted i and crossed t and sentence structure and flow.
The thing of writing a book that requires every bit of the courage from me that then I’m going to turn around and ask of the reader in their own life.
“BE BRAVE!” I am going to say. But first? I have to be brave.
Ahh… isn’t this just how God works? I have to learn the lesson before I can lead the lesson and I think it is only fair to tell you that I am a slow learner.
Sooo many bloggers write books. Sooo many authors have blogs. And you see us announce “another book is coming!” or “I’m signing a 44 book contract with Biggest Publisher In The World!” or “My book just got purchased by every woman in the state of Ohio!” and sometimes I wonder if non-authors think this life is full of awesomely fun announcements.
So here’s my announcement for you today:
I’m so scared to write this book that I am not writing at all.
Blogs. Articles. Emails. Journaling. Nothing.
Twitter I’ve still got under control. 🙂 But all other forms of writing have gone to nada. It’s all dried up by fear.
I emailed my editor last week and said, “I know I can’t talk about the book, but can I talk about this part? The part where I’m trying to write a book about courage but can’t find any for myself?”
She said yes.
And since that day last week, I’ve tried to write this blog post, but couldn’t even get IT out. Ridiculous.
But finally, here it is. And here’s the hoping that this breaks the dam and the water of words begin to flow with force again. Because here’s what I know: I will find the courage. I mean, I have to. I HAVE A DEADLINE. 🙂 And I’m asking God for it.
But I just wanted you to know that this is how it really is sometimes.
What’s it like to write a book? Sometimes it is too scary to start.
But if you think you’re the only one too scared to make art, or the only one who wastes time because of fear, you aren’t. Be encouraged. We are all scared.
But fear won’t win.
Today, I will write. And tomorrow. And the next day.
Because I want you to read this book.
I want to read this book.
I want to be brave.
I want you to be brave.
. . . . .
